just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
