super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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