Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
