I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize