Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
