There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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