Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
