this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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