Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
