NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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