Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
