I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
