So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize