:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
