Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
