I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
