do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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