I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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