i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
