They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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