I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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