There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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