Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I faked an abortion last night.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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