Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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