You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
