Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize