Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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