haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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