So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
