ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am one with the molecules
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
