She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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