I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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