We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
