in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
