no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
