The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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