After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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