Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
