so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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