so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
