you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
