u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
