just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
