Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
