U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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