I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
