He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize