At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
