He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
