Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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