No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
