And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
