Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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