did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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