I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
