so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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