Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Text me some of your sweat
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
