Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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