somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he was CRYING into my vagina
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
