Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need to calm my uterus...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
