It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
