glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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