I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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