my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
that's an acceptable place to lick
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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