I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
