i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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