Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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