the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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