So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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