I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
