My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
