How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
